Dumb Drunk
by soraxtsuna123
Summary: Ponyboy comes back home drunk and the gang decides to find out what he's been hiding from them. One-shot. A bit cracky. Request by Blue eyed titan99.


**Request by Blue eyed titan99**

**Thank you so much for sending in this request!**

**o-o-o**

_Tick Tock, Tick Tock_

The clock ticked away as Darry glared at it like he was about to smash it against the floor. His fingers dug into his chair, nails pressing into the cushion until they made holes. Where was he?! It was midnight! He should have been back home hours ago!

"He'll be back soon," Soda reassured, looking worriedly at the door. To be honest, he wasn't sure at all. It was hard to not worry when there were Socs out there, jumping greasers. But he had faith in his younger brother when it came to returning home.

"He better be," Darry grumbled, leaning back in his chair. "Ponyboy is going to get a whooping if he isn't back in ten minutes."

"Hey, Superman, don't worry so much about it. I bet he's with Johnny right now. He probably fell asleep while stargazing or something," Two-Bit reasoned, looking away from the TV. The entire gang was currently together in the house (minus Johnny and Ponyboy). It just happened that way. They didn't plan it or anything. Usually, at least one of them would be somewhere else. Most of them didn't even stay over that late either.

"That's the problem! He's so irresponsible! He needs to learn how to use his head more. What if he's getting himself into trouble? We're not there to protect him if he gets jumped."

Two-Bit shrugged. "He's not going to get himself into trouble. Ponyboy wouldn't do that. He's not going to get jumped. He's probably walking up the driveway right now."

As if a genie had heard what he said, the door opened, and Johnny came in with his arms holding up a stumbling Ponyboy. Instantly, Darry whipped his head around and stormed to his youngest brother. Anger radiated off of him, practically consuming the entire house. The gang feared for Ponyboy. An angry Darry was a scary Darry.

"Where were you?" he roared, crossing his arm, expecting for him to reply with some sort of excuse.

Instead, the reply came from Johnny. "With Curly. He brought him to a party," he answered for him. He repositioned Ponyboy when he felt him start to sway the other way. It was a casual way for him to look away from Darry, who looked like he was about to explode with how much he was seething.

"Curly… Shepard? Ponyboy, you know that I don't want you—" His lecture was cut off by Soda, who was watching the entire exchange.

"What's wrong?" Soda interrupted, walking over to Ponyboy who was leaning heavily on Johnny, face slightly flushed.

Darry furrowed his eyebrows at the question. Of course, Ponyboy was fine. He was standing right in front of them without a scratch on him. But upon closer inspection, he noticed that he didn't look like he was fully there. He looked… Well, he looked… "Are you drunk?"

"Ponyboy's drunk?" Dally curiously asked, peeking his head out of the kitchen.

A short giggle left Ponyboy's lips as his eyes became hooded. "No, I'm not drunk," he slurred, stumbling over his words.

"Yeah, he's drunk," Steve clarified in a matter-of-fact tone. He rolled his eyes, placing his playing cards down to watch everything unfold as well. Watching Ponyboy making a fool of himself was more entertaining than gambling.

"Ponyboy!" Darry screamed, exasperated; throwing his hands up in frustration.

"I'm not… I'm not drunk. I can prove it to you," Ponyboy slurred.

"What proof?"

"I can say the alphabets backwards." Ponyboy beamed with proudness clear on his face.

"You can… say the alphabets backwards…" Dally slowly repeated.

"Yeah! Listen! Z-Y-X-W-V-L-M-N-O-P…" He paused, realization hitting him. He twisted his face up in confusion. "Oh, wait… Darry, did someone change the letters of the alphabet around?"

Darry gaped. Yeah, Ponyboy was very drunk… and he apparently got dumb after drinking. He wanted to scold his brother but couldn't bring himself to do it. At least, not yet. He couldn't help but chuckle a bit at how ridiculous his drunk self was. He had never seen this side of Ponyboy. "No. It's just you. How much did you drink?" he asked.

"A liquor store."

At that sentence, Two-Bit burst out laughing. He clapped like a seal. Although the answer was unexpected, Darry remembered that Ponyboy was still drunk and probably should be lying down. He sighed, "Come on, I'm getting you to the bed."

"How many times am I going to hear that in one day?" Ponyboy grumbled causing the entire gang to raise their eyebrows. Everyone but Soda.

Soda hummed, "That's nice that people were so concerned about him."

Steve shook his head. "No, Soda. Not like that."

"Oh?" Soda then gasped, realizing what the sentence meant. "Oh! Oh… Oh, no."

"Yeah…"

"We need to put him to sleep," Darry corrected instantly, a bit uncharacteristically flustered, taking Ponyboy out of Johnny's hold. "Soda, get him some water, aspirin, and a trashcan."

"Okay," Soda agreed, walking over to the kitchen, but Two-Bit stopped everyone after an idea formed in his head.

"No, wait! Before that, we should have a little bit of fun," he said, but everyone looked at him suspiciously.

"What are you suggesting exactly?" Darry asked warily.

"Let's ask him questions. Drunk people tell you everything."

"You're always drunk," Steve pointed out.

"And I don't hold back information!"

"He needs to go to bed though," Darry sternly declared.

Two-Bit pouted like how a child would. "Oh, come one, please? You can finally know all the trouble he's been in."

All of the gang members were curious now. All of them wanted to know what ran through his head. So, reluctantly, Darry agreed, sitting Ponyboy down on the couch.

"What should we ask him first?" Dally asked. The gang thought about it for a bit but coming up with questions was a lot harder than they thought.

"Er… what are you thinking about right now?" Darry asked awkwardly.

Ponyboy scrunched up his face in thought, tilting his head a bit. Eventually, after a minute of just silence, he shook his head, looking troubled. "I can't think about what I'm thinking about."

"Golly…" Johnny murmured.

The gang all stared at Ponyboy with deadpanned expressions. "I keep forgetting that he's not smart when he's drunk," Dally commented.

They all continued to stare at the boy for a while longer before Two-Bit yelled, "Okay, next question! Steve, go!"

Panicked, Steve asked, "What's your biggest secret?" Everyone turned to look at him in surprise.

"Steve!" Soda scolded, but Steve only just shrugged.

"You don't have to answer that, Ponyboy," Johnny said, but Ponyboy started talking anyway… and what they heard disturbed them. Ponyboy motioned them to get closer to him and they leaned forward intently, their curiosity increasing.

Then he whispered, I made him disappear."

The gang was all confused now. What was he talking about? "Disappear?" Soda asked, trying to get clarification.

"He's gone now."

"Who's gone?" Darry questioned, but Ponyboy pressed his index fingers to his lips to shush him.

"It's a secret. But, don't worry, he won't be bothering us anymore."

The gang shivered, panicking. What was Ponyboy admitting to them? Holy shit. Did innocent, little Ponyboy really go off and murder someone?

"Okay… then how did you make him disappear?" Darry asked, trying to dig for some answer that would prove them wrong. He couldn't be a killer, right?

"Two words. Pig farm."

"Good god."

"I think Pony might be a murderer," Two-Bit stated, eyes blown wide.

"Yeah, no shit!" Dally cursed, although he was the calmest out of the gang.

"I had to make sure he stayed quiet," Ponyboy continued, voice lowering to sound ominous. The gang shivered again as it felt like the room temperature plummeted. They didn't know what to do. How were they supposed to act to what they just heard?

At that moment the door opened, and Curly Shepard waltzed in. "Hey, Curtis, you forgot your…" he trailed off as everyone turned to him with wide eyes. After what they heard, they forgot that Curly was the one who got him to drink, which he was secretly grateful for. "What happened?"

Ponyboy suddenly gasped, bringing attention back to him. "You're alive?" he asked, mouth agape.

Curly rose an eyebrow. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

But Ponyboy only stared at him in shock. Another gasp left his mouth as he patted Darry on the shoulder to get his full-blown attention. "Darry! Darry! I think I'm a psychic!"

"And what makes you say that?" Darry asked slowly.

"I see dead people."

The gang looked back and forth between the two, finally connecting the dots before chuckling. They were all relieved that Ponyboy wasn't a murderer, of course, but they found his claim actually hilarious. Meanwhile, Curly just stared at them like they were crazy.

Suddenly, Ponyboy started to lean to one side and Darry caught him before he fell. "Okay, he really needs to go to bed now," he commented between chuckling. The gang let the boy go as Darry helped him up. "Come on, Ponyboy, let's go."

Ponyboy stumbled to his feet without protesting. While on the way to his room, he whispered. "Why are you calling me Ponyboy? That order sounds odd. My name should be Boypony."

Darry laughed again, lying Ponyboy down on his side when they reached the bed. "Go to sleep now. Goodnight, Ponyboy."

"Boypony!"

"Goodnight."

With that, Darry closed the bedroom door. Oh, yeah, he was going to have a good talk with Ponyboy when he gets better. But, for now, he was just going to have to have a discussion with Curly Shepard who was still in the living room. He cracked his knuckles.

**o-o-o**

Darry and Soda woke up to the sound of the toilet flushing. Soda looked next to him and saw that Ponyboy wasn't in bed anymore and got up. The two brothers left their bedrooms at the same time, only looking at each other in a silent greeting before heading to the bathroom.

"Ponyboy, you in there?" Soda asked worriedly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yeah," Ponyboy answered quietly.

"Are you doing okay?"

"No…"

At that, Darry pushed open the door to see Ponyboy leaning over the toilet with a trickle of vomit coming out of his mouth. The bathroom was dark and when the door opened, Ponyboy hissed as light flooded inside.

"Close the door!" Ponyboy pleaded, covering his eyes and massaging his temples. "I have a really bad headache."

"That's because you have a hangover," Darry stated, coming inside and closing the door when Soda entered the bathroom as well. The only light came from the small window over the shower.

Ponyboy turned away and threw up again with a groan. "I'm never going to drink again!" he screamed, banging his fists against the toilet seat.

"Yeah, you better not."

**o-o-o**

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